Marine Biology
by JeckTheParadox
Summary: Florida man doctor of marine biology gives colony of microscopic parasitic crustaceans blessing to marry his only daughter in order to spite serial killer.


"What were you in prison for again?"

"Murder." Anasui answered, standing at attention with him. The three girls, Emporio, and Weather Report were on the other side of the room, discussing things with a few Speedwagon Foundation members.

Jotaro didn't blink, he had killed as well, after all. "Why?"

"What do you mean? I mean, murder is illegal almost everywhere, so it's not much of a surprise that I ended up in jail, sir."

"No, I mean why did you kill the person you killed?"

Anasui's face twisted angrily, "I found my girlfriend cheating on me with another man." he said ruthlessly.

Jotaro didn't let his expression change, "So you killed him?"

"I killed them both." He said with a grin, "I took them apart, so that they would never be together again behind my back."

"No."

"Huh?"

"No you may not marry my daughter."

"What the hell are you guys talking about over there?" Jolyne shouted suddenly, both of them tensing up.

"N-Nothing, Jolyne!" Anasui said sweetly, before glaring at Jotaro, "Why not?"

"You killed your last girlfriend, and now you're asking for my blessing to let my daughter be the next one?"

"That was different! Jolyne's a fighter, with a fury like nothing I've ever seen, and a purpose so pure it nearly blinds me-"

"Yes."

"My last girlfriend was nothing but a backstabber! I'd never kill Jolyne."

"I don't care. If she wants to risk hanging around you, I'll let her, she has a Stand. She saved the world, yesterday, she can protect herself from the likes of you. But your asking for my blessing, so, no. I don't want you being near her. In fact, if there were any way I could be sure that putting you in prison would in any way keep you there, I'd send you back."

Anasui frowned, "You're one of those overprotective Dads who're constantly in their daughter's hair, aren't you?"

"I'm really, really, not."

"Fine then, who would you give the blessing to marry Jolyne?"

"I don't know. Who are her friends?"

"You're basically looking at them." Anasui said with a scoff, "I've never known Weather to be interested in girls, and Emporio's a freaking kid."

"What about the two girls?"

"Pfft? Please. I mean, I... guess I could see her with Hermes. But I don't think they're together. She'd probably mention it, she knows I'm interested. But the green haired girl is literally just some damn worms who think they're a person."

"...Worms?"

"Well, not worms she's... look, it's complicated."

"No, explain."

"She's some fucking plankton that Pucchi gave a Stand to. So they became slightly less braindead, and now they're pretending to be a person annoying close to Jolyne."

"She's... plankton?"

"Yeah, like a plankton colony."

"A sentient plankton colony."

"Yeah."

"What's her name?"

"What?" Anasui asked, shocked.

"Her name. What is it?" Jotaro restated, walking over to them.

"Foo Fighters."

"Alliterative, I like it."

"Mister Kujo, I need to ask... what the hell are you doing?"

"Hello." Jotaro said to the girls, cutting off Anasui.

"Uh, hey." Hermes greeted with a wave. "Glad to see you back amongst the living, Mister Kujo."

"Just call him Jotaro. He hates all the formal crap." Jolyne advised. "So you and Ana done with your guy talk in the corner?"

"For now." Anasui said with a sigh, "Jolyne, your father won't give me his blessing to marry you!"

She sighed. "Why does that matter? I wasn't planning on getting married any time soon anyway." She raised an eyebrow as Jotaro turned to Emporio.

"Do you think you could make a computer, quick?"

"I guess so?" the boy reached into his bag, creating a ghost computer. The Speedwagon Foundation member looked on with interest as Stands were being used.

"Thanks." Jotaro said, before quickly accessing a Marine Encyclopedia. "Foo Fighters, could you come here for a second?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Dad what are you doing?" Jolyne asked, bending down to look at the screen.

"Is it true you're a plankton colony?"

"Yeah, it is." F.F. replied, confused.

Jotaro looked down at the screen, "Tell me, are you a type of bacteria, Phytoplankton, Mycoplankton, or Zooplankton?"

Jolyne frowned, grabbing Foo Fighter's shoulders. "Darn it, I should have known he would act like this! Listen, F.F.! If he starts bugging you, just tell him to buzz off!"

"Good one!" Foo said, before turning towards Jotaro. "I don't know what any of that means."

"Are your individual members fungus, plant, bacteria, or very small animals? I assume from the term 'colony' Anasui used, that you're either Mycoplankton or Zooplankton, and your powers that I've observed seem to point at Bacterioplankton visually, but I suppose any of them could produce the same effects, or it might just be that your Stand causes the appearance of your power's effect to simply appear to follow that stream."

"Um."

"See? He's obsessed with all this ocean stuff. Nearly every other time we spent any time around each other we were at some aquarium or sea side. It would have been fun, if he didn't find the stuff more interesting than me." Jolyne said, smiling at Foo Fighters. "I'm serious, if you let him, he'll talk about this all day. Tell him to knock it off if you get annoyed."

"Nah, it's fine. I'm made of tiny little animals." She held out her hand, and the flesh melted away, becoming black, gold, and yellow. The fingers lost their shape, elongating and wriggling slightly.

"Do you know what species you are in particular?"

"Nope."

"Would you like to know?" Jotaro asked, cracking a very small smile.

"We're going to be here for hours." Jolyne muttered, but she smiled all the same at the way her father's face lit up.

* * *

"Going by appearance and location, I'm thinking some kind of crustacean, probably a South-Eastern Atlantic Amphipod." He said, looking down through the ghost microscope made by Emporio, at a tiny amount of Foo Fighters. "But the individual members are far too small."

"Well, how am I supposed to explain it?" F.F. asked.

"The closest match is a Phronima Sedentaria. But your members aren't even a tenth of the usual size for adult Phronima. I should be able to see them with my naked eye."

"I don't know what to tell you Jotaro." Foo Fighters said with a shrug, "I'm one-of-a-kind, I guess."

"Yep!" Jolyne said, wrapping an arm around her. "That's it. She's unique! End of story."

"What do you eat?" Jotaro asked. "Phronima usually feed on salps, little invertebrates with barrel-like bodies. They burrow into them, eat them, and cling to their insides and let them drift along with the ocean, so that the Phronima don't have to move under their own power. I can hardly imagine you eating them here in the middle of Florida."

"For the longest time, I just ate whatever I wanted. Algae, frogs, fish eggs, other plankton, the works. But since I moved into this body, I've been eating whatever they served in the cafeteria."

"Omnivorous then."

"Yep!"

"Dad, can we please leave? Or have you forgotten that we broke out of prison a little while ago? I want to get out of Florida."

"We have plenty of time." Jotaro said, waving off her concerns.

Anasui glared down at the two of them, before sliding over and taking Jolyne's hand. "Come on Jolyne, let's leave, just the two of us. We can go on the run, cross the country, with just the two of us-"

"The Speedwagon Foundation has a safehouse in Mexico, actually." The quiet man in the corner said. "As soon as Mister Kujo thinks the time is right."

"Ignore them-"

"No, Anasui. I just want... to not be on the run for a little while."

"That's fine." he said, shrugging and playing it off.

Hermes glanced down at the two of them, before glancing at Emporio. She made a 'kill' gesture, and the boy nodded, making the objects disappear.

"Hey!" Jotaro said, looking up.

"Dad, come on. We're taking the submarine anyway. You love the submarine. I'm sure you and Foo can talk about plankton all you want on the way there."

"I suppose."

"Phronima Sedentaria." Foo Fighters mumbled. "I prefer F. F."

"If your species hasn't been discovered yet, you should be able to name your own species." Jotaro said helpfully. He turned to the SPW man, and nodded. "And if we're all so impatient, I suppose we can go."

The group filed out of the building, quickly making their way to the docks. The SPW man made a quiet radio call, and soon enough a small submarine rose to the surface. They got inside, and were on their way.

The submarine was fairly cramped, there being just enough seats in the center for all of them. Anasui placed himself between Jolyne and Jotaro, and whispered over to him. "You know, you never did say what kind of person you'd give your blessing to. I mean, it doesn't have to be someone like Jolyne knows now! If you could just describe such a person, I can show you that I can meet your standards. I'm the right man for Jolyne-"

"Foo Fighters."

"Huh?" Anasui asked, blinking.

"Yeah Jotaro?" She said, leaning over to look at him.

"Foo Fighters has my blessing to marry Jolyne."

Anasui and Jolyne blinked, staring at him with utter confusion.

Foo Fighters grinned widely, taking the seat on the other side of Jolyne, and wrapping an arm around her. "Sweet."


End file.
